Goodbye and hello

Cooper was rehomed at Christmastime, and it was by far the most painful decision Paul and I have ever had to make for our family.

We adopted him two years ago. Because we were first time dog owners, we read all the books to be as prepared as possible. As with parenthood, however, we quickly realized that you have to learn about and from your specific puppy - his preferences, personality, needs, etc.! We viewed Cooper as an individual, regardless of what "the experts" said, so that we could provide the best home for him.

When we faced some behaviors early on that we didn't know how to address, we immediately began working with a very experienced trainer.  Being the best owners to Cooper was of such importance to us that we didn't hesitate to invest time and money in learning and practicing what we were taught. The whole family participated in sessions with the trainer and working with Cooper at home.  Even Caleb could train Cooper! As a goldendoodle, Cooper learned quickly and loved the training process rooted in positive reinforcement.

After over a year of working with the trainer, there was only one behavior that, while infrequent, had a significant impact on family life. Cooper could become possessive if he felt that Miles, Abby, or Caleb might be "interfering" with attention he was receiving from me.  For example, if Cooper sat beside me (on the couch or sometimes on the floor), I would understandably reach down to pet him. If one of my younger children ran by or walked up to me at that moment, he might growl or snap at them. It did not happen every time. In fact, there were times when months would pass without an incident.

Our trainer knew Cooper well by now, and he told us that Cooper was a dominant personality trying to "work his way up the ladder of the family hierarchy." This seemed to be confirmed by the fact that he never snapped or growled at Ryan, Paul, or myself. Despite this behavior, we persevered! Our children learned not just general "dog etiquette" (don't wake a sleeping dog, get in a dog's face, etc.) but how to interact safely with Cooper. Our goal was to avoid situations where Cooper might snap while simultaneously involving the children in all aspects of his care including regular walking, feeding, and training so he knew we were all his owners.

Despite these challenges, Cooper brought us much joy. He went with us everywhere possible, had Doodle friends and other dogs he loved to play with, spent hours outdoors every day on multiple walks in our large neighborhood, and played with the kids in our fenced back yard. He was known by name by our neighbors, and we were known as "Cooper's owners."

We thought all of the above was enough until the end of November. A friend's 4 year old daughter rushed up and hugged Cooper when he was right beside me. Before I could intervene, he snapped at her face, and one of his teeth nicked her skin just below the eye. While I didn't believe it was a true bite, the seriousness of the situation and what could have happened was undeniable. It turned out the little girl had just spent Thanksgiving with her grandparent's goldendoodle who didn't mind being cuddled and hugged. I was deeply concerned and immediately began praying that God would reveal whether or not we should keep Cooper. Three weeks later, Abby reached out her hand to pet Cooper, and he bit her hand. Again, I was right there, and I know she did nothing to provoke him. The whole family cried together for hours as we all realized Cooper needed to be rehomed.

We do not view this as a “failed adoption.” As Paul told the kids while we cried over our decision to rehome, we are now a dog family! Our love of dogs, especially doodles, has not diminished one bit. Neither has our love of Cooper. While we were not the right fit for him, we knew he could be a wonderful pet for someone else. It took longer than we could have imagined, but our breeder helped connect us to an older couple on the other side of the state. They are extremely comfortable with dogs and immediately connected with Cooper. Paul put in over twenty hours of drive time to personally deliver Cooper and answer any questions they had.

I can’t gloss over the rough weeks we had at home after Cooper left. His absence definitely threw off the equilibrium in our home, and there were many strong emotions that needed to work themselves out. Also hanging over us (especially the kids) was the unknown timeline of adding a new puppy to our family. “Pandemic puppy” is a tagline for a reason, and we knew waitlists were much longer than they were two years ago.

When I reached out to our breeder in January to begin a new adoption, I was surprised when they offered us information on a litter available to go home in early February. We followed up with many questions! Now we knew to ask about dominance, early exposure to children, and an easygoing temperament. Of course, there is no perfect puppy! However, we wanted to set ourselves up for success this time.

These are the smiles of parents who forgot how busy puppies can be! Ha!

Seriously, we are all thrilled. Exhausted but happy. Murphy is a sweet little guy, and we are already seeing signs that his personality is a better fit with children. Having children who are two years older is helpful, too. They even beg to take him out to pee! I think these faces say it all.