June 16, 2012, was the day before our twelfth wedding anniversary. It’s also the day Paul had an encounter with our lawn mower that nearly cost him one (or more) of his toes.
On this gorgeous Saturday afternoon, Paul decided to mow the grass; his parents were coming over later to babysit so that we could enjoy dinner and a movie. Little did we know that neither would happen. Just as he got started on the back yard, Paul stumbled backward over a rock, briefly pulling the lawnmower back with him and over the toes of his left foot. I was standing at the kitchen sink looking out and saw him stumble, heard the lawn mower make a strange choking sound before shutting off, and then watched Paul race onto the back deck as he called out for me. One look at the mangled shoe and bloody foot was all it took for me to automatically reach for the phone and dial 911.
The shoe
The next ten minutes were a blur – I followed the instructions of the wonderfully calm 911 operator to get the bleeding stopped, let in the firefighters and paramedics, comforted a panic-stricken Ryan, made numerous phone calls to figure out childcare and notify our parents, reassured Paul, etc., etc. Right about the time I could take a deep breath, knowing Paul was in competent hands, I started having contractions. Even though it wasn’t unusual considering the massive amount of adrenalin coursing through my body, the paramedics weren’t taking any chances (for which I am grateful). I was now a patient, too, and they swiftly loaded Paul and me into the same ambulance. When the ambulance pulled away from our house, our boys were left in the care of six firefighters since my in-laws had yet to arrive. I didn’t even have a chance to put on any shoes or grab my cell phone. At least we knew the boys would be very safe!
Paul and I were separated at the hospital, since I had to go to the maternity ward to be placed on a fetal monitor. We both spent an anxious two hours. I was worried about him, and he was worried about the baby and me. The staff at the small local hospital to which we were taken finally got us connected on the room phones. I think our dual emergency room visit had engendered a lot of attention and sympathy!
Thankfully, my contractions subsided shortly after I got to the hospital, and the baby performed beautifully on the monitor. Once the ER doctors got Paul’s toes cleaned up and administered a nerve block, they were able to determine that the damage was limited to his left big toe. It took a beating, both externally and internally, but he gets to keep the toe. It could have been much, much worse. A follow-up appointment with an orthopedic surgeon two days later confirmed the excellent prognosis. Surgery to clean out the wound wasn’t even required. We were amazed!
The next few weeks were certainly trying for our family. Paul was couch-bound day and night for about 9 days. He couldn’t take care of his basic needs, much less help me with the boys. I was completely exhausted in every sense of the word. Our parents stepped in to help with childcare and housework, while friends provided several meals. Paul’s job has been to rest the toe to allow the crushed bone to heal and proper wound care (infection prevention!). He’s done both very well. Writing this exactly a month after the accident, Paul is quite good at hobbling around. He is still unable to wear a closed-toe shoe, so he’s not hitting the golf course or doing yard work. The external wound has a lot of healing ahead, but we are finally seeing clear progress.
Ryan’s picture for the firefighters
Paul’s time on the couch provided lots of opportunities for “snuggling with Daddy,”
as Ryan called it.
The day after the accident was Father’s Day. Even through the fog of exhaustion (me) and pain meds (Paul), we couldn’t help but chuckle over the irony of Paul’s gifts. Ryan decorated this rock at preschool weeks earlier, and I presented him with a new bathing suit!
Now that the initial trauma is behind us, I’ve had time to start reflecting. It might seem unfortunate to have our twelfth anniversary marred by this memory, but in some ways the timing was very appropriate. There’s the obvious reminder of how fragile our bodies are and how quickly our health or our lives can be taken from us. Taking our spouse for granted is terribly easy, and, even in the first minutes following the accident, I was thanking God for Paul’s life, regardless of how many toes remained.
There is a new appreciation for the day to day rhythms of life that a marriage and family share. Having one half on the couch throws off everything, and carrying his “jobs” along with mine was the best way to understand all that he does. Even the boys were thrown off kilter, and it took days for us all to adjust our thinking. It is a true gift to have a partner in the mundane!
On a deeper level, we received but a glimpse into the realities of vowing “for better or worse” before God and a room full of witnesses. I was called up for service, and it was the selfless service that can expect no repayment and keep no score. Paul was called upon to receive, and, in many respects, receiving service is just as hard as giving it. Where I was weak, Paul was strong and vice versa. God gave me the physical strength to stay on my feet all day long with little sleep (and thankfully not a single contraction!), and Paul was able to support and encourage me emotionally from his perch on the couch.
All of this caused me to reread portions of Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas (highly, highly recommend), particularly the chapter on servant hood in marriage:
“To fully sanctify the marital relationship, we must live together as Jesus lived his life – embracing the discipline of sacrifice and service as a daily practice. In the same way that Jesus gave his body for us, we are to lay down our energy, our bodies, and our lives for others.” (p. 187)
“’Service’ includes allowing your spouse to give – if, of course, they are willing to give. In other words, service isn’t just washing somebody else’s feet; at times it’s letting your own feet be washed.” (p. 190)
“There is true joy when true service is offered up with a true heart.” (p. 191)
While I would hardly define our experience as the ideal way to celebrate an anniversary, it has sharpened my perspective and infused me with fresh energy as we begin another year together. One more quote from Gary Thomas:
“Becoming one – in the deepest, most intimate sense – takes time. It’s a journey that never really ends….” (p. 107)
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